Our Japanese reporter Poke-ken recently had a chance to catch up with Phil Mein the supposed "chief evangelist" from a famous multinational, Crony, and ask him some questions about their new super-console the PlayStay2

Poke-ken: First things first: what’s your take on Crony's performance with the Japanese launch?

Phil Mein: I think it was incredible!!!, did you know that we had 6 or 7 extremely poor Games out in the first 30 days of the launch! I know of no other company thick enough to do such a brave thing!

Poke-ken: You’re not disappointed with all the criticism you’ve received?

Phil Mein: Yes... but I don’t care, cause my mum will sort those horrid people out!

Poke-ken: Strictly in terms of must have software at launch.....

PM: The success of the play stay is assured by a huge library of average to crap software, which the masses love. The launch is not that important, even though we hype it up to be so…..It’s true! I think that we demonstrated with the launch titles, the lack of graphical improvement over the dreamcast of the Play stay2. Also, it demonstrated the difficulties and design faults of the Play Stay2, as even some of the best softcos had trouble producing good looking games. And any consumer that may have read negative comments about the launch should forget about it and only listen to what Crony and I have to say. Also I can tell you that we are taking the same stance as the original Play Stay with relation to the games, that’s why we should have 250 games out in the next 6 months from any company that can program a line of code.

Poke-ken: With the exception of Nintendo and Sega.

PM: oh yes...(Grins)... we wouldn’t want triple A titles do we!!!!! God forbid!

Poke-ken: So what about the clearly tangible failings, such as the trick allowing Japanese users to use Region 1 DVD's?

PM: You have to promise not to tell anyone, but we did that one purpose. You have to understand that having a huge library of porn that will work with the machine is a huge boost to sales.

Poke-ken: Well didn't this mistake have to be corrected by the reissue of new drivers

PM: Yeah, the bloody government made us change it, we'll have to hope some third party product appears which will re-enable the feature so we can capture a bigger share in the wanker market.

Poke-ken: Is that something that could have been avoided, had you not been forced to meet March 4, meaning that you would have had more time to test.

PM: How many times do I need to tell you, we did it on purpose. Maybe if we'd had longer though, we could have introduced a hardware bug so it wouldn't have been fixable in the short term.

[snip] we had to cut the middle section, hopefully we'll be bringing you an exclusieve report on transmogrficiatino vs synthesization techniques next week..

Poke-ken: Don’t you worry about all the misinformation that circulated on the net at the time of the launch? You may dismiss it as rubbish, but its rubbish that reaches thousands of people.

PM: No not really, it doesn’t bother me much, it just means that the PR and marketing division are doing a smashing job. And joking aside, it is also indicative of the worldwide knowledge and hatred of our machine but the masses love it right!..Wicked!

Poke-ken: Play Stay 2 seems to have rapidly gained a reputation as being a bit of a tough nut when it comes to coding. What do you think about that reputation?

PM: I think that it’s a total lie!, you shouldn’t listen to those nazis!!!!!! Crony’s excuse is that it’s a totally new machine, and even though the dc was also new, the Play Stay 2 is a special kind of new, that’s why none of the softcos can code on it.

Poke-ken: So who’s getting it right now?

PM: Well, I think you will have to see who’s not getting it at all now! Maybe in 2 years time, some softcos will be able to produce good games, its going to be the same situation as the original Play Stay.

Poke-ken: What about the vector units? They can pretty much do...

PM: vector units? Whats that? Some math’s terms?....All I know is that the Play Stay 2 is very powerful, and that we can now not only produce games with 3 D graphics, lighting and animation but also there is a new area we are looking into. I’m talking about physics, behaviours, simulation, things that we haven’ t been able (unlike other companies) to do in the past. Maybe we will look into gameplay with the Play Stay 3, wow! Just the thought astounds me!. If we go inside I’ll draw you a lovely chart with nice fancy colours to blind you into thinking that the Play Stay 2 is all powerful... I learnt this at the local management school you know!....