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exclusive interview with Phil Mein from Crony Interactive

exclusive interview with Phil Mein from Crony Interactive

Getting Bored Shitless.

After excess consumption of Japanese beer and sake, Poke-ken is proud to present the next chapter of his interview with Phil Mein..read on...

Funny, walking into the PS like grey shed with its grey tools and grey wall does not prepare the visitor for what crap lies within its inner recesses. Phil Mein presses the grey button, then proceeds to place his overly large arse upon a glassy panel. Some form of scanning process whirrs into life; then comes a 10-minute wait as the machine loads up what it has just read. All this because Crony couldn’t be bothered to make a half-decent machine..Bollocks or what!!!!!!

Inside the shed crammed floor to ceiling with every piece of Crony branded consumer tool imaginable. Phil Mein picks up a pink marker and proceeds to talk to a whiteboard....

Phil Mein: This is the "TIME" axis and here you’ve got what us management monkeys would make up as the "Tree" factor. The "Tree" factor is the performance and the sophistication of the 3D engine, its sort of how you lying journalists and stupidly biased reviewers of software can say: DOA 2 on the DC has much better technology than on the Play S tay2, which I say is a total lie!!DOA 2 on the DC looks like pit fighter!!!!!!

We at Crony have decided that there are 2 fundamentally different development methodologies, so piss off if you think otherwise....The traditional methodology of a transmogrification model has an effectively zero learning curve to get quite a nice performance quickly. So through very little technical investment you can get a reasonably well performing 3D technology based on a traditional transmogrification model. This is basically what we did with the original Play Stay. Which had the same level of graphics until quite recently, because we wanted to make as many games as possible in the shortest time, with the least money and then selling it to the thick frothing mouthed Masses. A great example would be Crash Bandicunt, what a load of bollocks that was.... hahahaha.... we got George the shed janitor to make that one you know...
... opppssss I shouldn’t say that should I..

Now, obviously, we are not using this old crappy way of doing things for the Play Stay 2. The reason why our games look crap now is that we are using a new management termed method called SUXLIKETHESIS! [Phil turns around at this point, smiles expectantly and raises his arms in the air, as if Jesus had landed].

Play Stay 2 development:; SUXLIKETHESIS Vs TRANSMOGRIFICATION

This is what Phil Mein crapped out about the performance leaps available to developers stupid (and rich enough) to embrace the Play Stay 2 Suxlikethesis methodology. He believes that the introduction of marketingware - of which new elements seem to be appearing by the week at the moment, simply gives developers shortcut routes to a higher pitch sale and bigger fat cat profits.

Phil Mein: It’s a new fangled word which takes everything we’ve learned in the transmogrification world, keeps it, builds upon it, and then flushes it down the u bend. This is obviously why the curves look nothing like each other, even though we are keeping the old method. As for the vector unit, George never told me nowt about it, all he said was something about little things being made in the Play Stay 2, which runs around and plays bagpipes. Anyway, the difference is going to be the money we make, and zip all else matters. This is something you can see by this curve, which takes a lot longer to implement than the traditional method, but once you waste enough money down that path and wait for about 10 years, after the machine has become obsolete, you’re going to make a very significant performance leap. [Phil points at the board with his shitty stick and nods rapidly while hitting the rising curve].

Poke-ken: What sort of concepts are being born using this model?

Phil Mein: come....and I’ll show you one, which took us 2 years to make... let us visit the dream team..

Next week.....The dream team.... Crony really can’t invent anything themselves can they!!!!