TOKYO -- During an unscheduled press conference held earlier today, Sony Computer Entertainment president Ken Kutaragi announced that the North American launch of PlayStation2, originally scheduled for October 26 of this year, has been cancelled. In a related announcement, it was disclosed that a full hardware recall has also been issued for Japan. Kutaragi, pausing several times to weep during the opening of his address, said that the decision had come after months of reading disparaging comments about the system's capabilities and software quality on the Internet.

"Under my direction, Sony Computer Entertainment worked very hard to ensure that PlayStation2's technology would revolutionize interactive entertainment and carry on the high standards associated with the PlayStation brand," said a visibly shaken Kutaragi. "But, as one Usenet user so concisely stated, 'those jaggies suck ass.'"

Kutaragi went on to express his belief that the advances in behavioral synthesis made possible by the Emotion Engine would ultimately usher in a new era of realistic gameplay experiences, but that "the average consumer expects a paradigm shift to happen overnight, as with the Dreamcast. With PS2, this may have taken one software generation, maybe less, but that is just not acceptable."

For the first time, Kutaragi also officially addressed PlayStation2's now notorious difficulty of development. "Only 400 titles were in development for the system, and this is proof enough that developers have found it far too difficult to program for," he said, before faltering a bit in his seat. "Next time, we will try to be less revolutionary in our hardware design."

Next time? Kutaragi, now flanked by supportive friends and family, took a moment to build his confidence before issuing his company's plans for the future. "We now fully realize that the true future of this industry does not rest with innovation," the choked-up Kutaragi proclaimed. "It is with this in mind that we today announce a strategic partnership with Microsoft, through which we will utilize DirectX and standard PC components for PlayStation3."

"With the ease of development offered by DirectX, we can be sure that developers will not be challenged to create overly ambitious software," stressed Kutaragi, adding that "Several original titles can now be completed faster, and by fewer staff, than the design document for one PS2 game. Though for the most part, quick ports from the flourishing PC games market will provide the foundation for our new platform."

And what for the countless American gamers who were eagerly anticipating the now defunct PlayStation2's October 26 launch? "I would like to apologize to the consumers who had already pre-ordered the PS2 system," offered SCEI's humbled president. "Our one million systems were already allocated five months before the system's release, but it was clear that, based on these figures, it was destined to be a commercial failure of unprecedented proportions."

In Japan, where a full hardware recall is to take effect immediately, Kutaragi suggested that "these systems will be refurbished and returned to the market as low-end DVD players, as that is roughly the extent of their capabilities based on Internet feedback."

Kutaragi also addressed the impact today's announcement would have on plans to sell the once "high-end" Emotion Engine and Graphics Synthesizer chips to CG workstation and other electronics manufacturers, stating that "the movie-going public certainly would not accept films with the horrible 'jaggies' associated with the Graphics Synthesizer. A car navigation system with 'jaggies'? People would too easily get lost; perhaps even die. Think of their, their families..."