Sega in a spin (30 may '000)
It's been quite a hectic few days for Sega.. here's a little round up in case you missed it.|
Bit like the good news / bad news on the Eleven O'Clock show but this might be actually be funny and/or informative
- Sega Japan post losses for the millionth fiscal quarter in succession
- But their arcade department is finally back in the black
- The head of Sega resigned anyway
- Sonic Team announce a follow up to Samba, this time using a tambourine
- THQ and Konami are both planning to dump the DC after this year
- Dreamcast prices have dropped to under 150 nicker in shops all over the UK
- Maybe shops are just panicking
- Workbench 3.1 was released
- None of my megademo's work any more
- Code Veronica is finally out in the UK
- Shen Mue isn't due for bloody ages
- Chu Chu Rocket is being given away for free
- You still have to pay for the phone calls
- PS2's anti-aliasing appears not to be getting fixed for European and American release
- Sony claim it's never been a problem and everyone believes them
- Kyuuen no Kizuna Sairin Shou on DC tops the Japanese all formats games chart
- It only had to sell 27,546 copies to get there
- There's 150 shopping days left until christmas
- PS2 will be on sale for 50 of them...
- Sega Rulez
- I'm not kidding anyone
Downsizing (29 may '000)
I've temporarily closed the main Dreamcast and http:life sections of jumpyspider.com until
they are properly ready. I had originally hoped to have them sorted by now but with the change
to the Quake 2 engine and our staff all leaving there have been unfortunate but unavoidable
Hopefully all will be righted as soon as possible, until then this page will still be
updated in the usual couple-of-times-a-weekly way.
Dreamchip (29 may '000)
It's a right royal stitch up guv! The widely available Dreamchip, which claims to unlock
all regions on your Dreamcast is a big bag of maggots. I installed one in my
Japanese Dreamcast and it still refused to run a large percentage of English
Dreamcast games... I got mine through MaderiaGames.com, I wouldn't trust them
if I were you.|
Anyway, here are my findings so far
So there we have it, only two out of the five games tested worked properly.
All in all a lacklustre performance... Having said that if Tomb Raider works, who cares?
Lara... phwooooarrr...as a sixteen year old... wicked!
- Tomb Raider IV - works
- Sonic Adventure - doesn't boot
- TrickStyle - doesn't boot
- Resident Evil: Code Veronica - runs but graphics are corrupted
- Powerstone - works
if you'll excuse me I've got to go and download some...er.. daikatana maps.. or something.
a word from the man (29 may '000)
Hi, I'm Jon Romero, the legendary co-creator of Quake and Doom. You may remember me from
such games as.. er... Quake and Doom.|
Well, as you may know, after we'd finished Quake I left id software with a vision...
A vision to make a revolutionary new game in a mere seven months. I had no team, no money
and no management experience but that didn't matter. Well, actually it did matter, the
game ran massively late, massively over-budget and only two original team members stuck the
game to the end (two including me that is)...
But now Jon Romero's Daikatana is out and the critics will be silenced once and for
all!! Infact I don't even care if people slag off my game anymore, all I have to say
to them is...
"LA LA LA! I'm not listening. LA LA LA! I've got a Ferrari and a girlfriend in Playboy!
I am a winner! I am a winner! I'm not a freak! Look in to my eyes, I'm not a freak!....sob"
Hey man, there's no need to cry... It's me David Bowie! I was just stopping by to
promote the release of my movies on revolutionary LaserDisc and I saw you were in trouble..
But hey, I know how it feels to be laughed at so don't worry, I think your next
game is going to be the next big thing in interactive entertainment and I'd like to
sponsor you ten million dollars man. if we release it on the Nuon and Amiga it'll be a
big seller... oh, and... er.. would it be cool for me to sleep with your girlfriend?
the end of an era (29 may '000)
sorry jumpyspider hasn't been updated for the last week. the reason for this
was the unexpected release of Jon Romero's Daikatana on May 23rd.. not that
I've actually played the game, but the shock of hearing that the game is
in shops, to actually buy and play was so great that I tripped over my gaping
jaw and knocked myself unconscious for approximately six days. oops!|
Anyway, to celebrate the release of this epic game
GameSpot have got a story of
the making of Daikatana.
It makes for interesting reading, but you'd better grab a mug of coffee before you
start, the story of Daikatana is neither short nor simple.
courtesy of GameSpot and Penny Arcade
new dreamcast magazine (21 may '000)
this month sees the launch of new magazine Dreamcast Format, aimed
squarely at the true dreamcast enthusiast who wants to do more than just play games, the
Dreamcast has a fully multitasking OS after all! (oh, you are a one - ed)|
Is the launch of this magazine just as Amiga Format finally goes under purely coincidence?
we think not....
click here to order your copy.
(21 may '000)
here at jumpyspider.com we're endlessly bombarded with e-mails from celebrities offering us money or sex to be on our site.|
well, as you can see we finally gave in to their demands in our new series JumpyCelebrity.
Thankfully our first guest was only offering us money, here he is to say a few words.
"Hi, I'm David Bowie! You may remember me from the seventies when I was hip and trendy. Only kidding,
I'm still hip and trendy!! Which is why I'm glad to be here promoting my new website
BowieNet which I have just launched on the "World Wide Web",
or "the web" as I like to call it.
If you haven't heard of "the web" don't worry, its the latest thing! Even cool people myself have only just discovered
it!! But even though no-one has heard of "the web" I'm predicting that in a few years time it will be big business.
I'm even planning to start-up a system allowing people to play video games (like Pong or Space Invaders) against
each other over "the web"... I'm going to call it "online gaming" and I'm confident it will open our minds to a whole
new way of thinking man!!
Hey, I'm starting to get the feeling back in my legs.... pass the bong man!!"
chu chu rocket (21 may '000)
chu chu rocket is to be given away free to anyone who registers on DreamArena! Maybe
Sega think us Europeans are too stupid to buy such a brilliant game.|
In a way they're right.. the French are almost certainly too stupid to understand anything
more complex than Boules and the Spanish just want to play Donkey! Church! Push!
all day long...
moderate times call for moderate measures (18 may '000)
you may have noticed that jumpyspider.com is still largely unfinished.
this is mainly due to a lack of time and effort...|
so now i'm seeking help updating the site. if you think you're a funny person
and/or you'd like to contribute and/or you can be trusted with small children
please e-mail email@example.com
listing three reasons why you should be allowed to help out*
*you may use the reasons listed in this posting
bloody nazis (17 may '000)
After the recent ranting letter from dreamcast deutschland
(see here) we just recieved this e-mail..|
Ve are invading Britain! Ve are invading britain!
It vill be a very goot plan!
Ve vill defeat ze in glorious battle!
Oh no, das ist un bad idea... It iz really drizzly!
Unt ze whores cost too much! Ve haz overstretched our forcez!
Aaah, I love miss the sweet smell of Swarfega in the morning!
shhhh! it's top secret (17 may '000)
here at jumpyspider we've managed to scoop some info from the giant info-bucket
that is the internet regarding some top secret games... hopefully we'll have some
more detailed information on the dc previews page soon|
and if you're the sort of person who sends hate mail don't read this...
- Crab Fishing - similar in concept to Get Bass. Drop your crates on the sea bed
then come back weeks later to see if you've caught anything.
- Pony Horse Hay! - promises to be another wacky horse racing sim
- Star Stalker - ever wanted to stalk someone but were too scared? now you get some
practice in with this ultra-realistic simulator
- Gang Leader - become a the head of a big crime syndicate by doing deals, becoming
a pimp or just doing away with your superiors...
- Titanic - there's no license on the titanic name, hence this tragic game where
you must get as many people killed as possible... preview coming soon
- King Herod - in order to stop the prophecy coming true you must tour the land
killing the first born child of every family
- Sim Concentration Camp - similar to theme hospital, round up and kill Jews without
- Final Solution - follow up to SCC where you must travel around europe killing all remaining Jews
- The Last Jew - in third game in the series you finally get to fight back and kill
your german oppressors
DC vs PS (16 may '000)
Everyone at E3 has been saying that despite the Dreamcast's strong line-up of
software that the Playstation 2 stole the show with games like Metal Gear
Solid 2... This is a family entertainment site so I won't tell you what I think
of those people, but here are my top ten reasons why Dreamcast is best
- Despite PS2's ridiculous specs, dreamcast actually produces a better quality picture
- Dreamcast has more original games, not just a stack of sequels
- Dreamcast comes with built in online capabilities
- Only Dreamcast will ever get all Sega's genius games
- Dreamcast has DirectX so it's easy to port PC games (including JON ROMERO'S Daikatana)
- Rumour has it that Jeff "The Kiss Of Death" Minter is working on PS2*
- PS2 is made of hamsters feet, over 1000 poor defenceless hamsters go into every console*
- After your PS2 has been running for more than an hour it starts smelling of Swarfega*
- SEGA RULEZ!!! SCREW SONY!!!
- Sony never invite me to their parties
puns without even trying (15 may '000)
Nothing good has ever happened on a monday.|
Nothing good will ever happen on a monday again.
But this monday is special, because this is the monday Sega announced a brand new
Seaman based product!
For those not in the know Seaman is a Japanese game which allows you
to talk to human headed fish (called Seaman) on your Dreamcast using a microphone that
plugs into your joypad..... no really!
Apparently it's possibly to hold a reasonable conversation with your Seaman, provided
you speak Japanese (don't worry the english version is due soon).
The new add-on will provide extra features such as
Now if the thought of all that Seaman doesn't get you excited what will?
- allowing you to interact more closely with your Seaman
- being able to inspect your Seaman and check their health
- even being able swap Seamen with your friends (and family... ic)
there's never bleem! such excitement (14 may '000)
We've picked up some more Bleem! news from E3...|
- It will ship during July in the US
- It will cost $19.99
- There will be a PSX to DC joypad adaptor
- It's probably won't support normal VMU's
- There will be a special VMU for saving games on
- It will have a wide range of graphical enhancement features
- Any upgrades will be available free or heavily discounted
daikatana (14 may '000)
had you visited the daikatana website in the last few weeks you may have seen this
SAN FRANCISCO, CA, April 21, 2000- After a series of improvements, transitions, and
revolutionary gameplay features, the eagerly anticipated Daikatana has been approved
so where is it then? there's still no official release date... have they found bugs in
it since and aborted the release yet again?... are they going to sneak it quietly out
into the marketplace before any reviewers get their hands on it?... or is there another
well, the real reason it's not out is that all the staff at Ion Storm are frantically
clipping-off* over the recently released playboy pictures of
Stevie Case (aka Killcreek),
one of Ion Storms employees (and Jon Romero's girlfriend)....
Everyone seems fascinated by a woman that actually...gasp... likes games! but would the
pros and cons of dating killcreek actually be?
- she likes games so she wont kick your cock off for playing too much quake
- she's a woman (always a bonus)
- after working on such a budget-breaking (if not groundbreaking) game she's loaded!
- she's a bit of a dirty slapper*... fantastic
- she swallows*
- she's attracted to men in silver shell-suits
- she's shagged JON ROMERO (the legendary co-creator of quake)
- she's taken it up the wrong'n from JON ROMERO (the legendary co-creator of quake)*
- she's dined on the love juice of JON ROMERO (legendary co-creator of quake)*
- she smells of Swarfega*
Oh, and the pictures can be found here
Nintendo news! (11 may '000)
My Japanese source Poke-Ken managed to get his dirty paws on a nintendo press
release confirming the official name of their new console as the
The new machine is so called because it's drawing will be limited to
squares only! Jealous of Sony's jaggies and wary of past smoothness problems
on the N64, Nintendo have introduced special pro-aliasing functions
which increase the contrast round the edge of polys just like Saturn games!
The console will have a revolutionary new controller called a Star Tube
which is just a long flexible tube with flashing lights in. By varying the
patterns of the lights the machine can induce halucinations in gamers, removing
the need to write any good games at all!!
Sony news! (11 may '000)
SONY HAVE ANNOUNCED A 20+ GIG HARD DISK AND SUPER FAST MODEM FOR ALL
THOSE DONKEY PORN LOVING PS2 WANKERS|
In addition to donkey porn they will be able to download pictures
of Lara with her Jaggies out... wankers
dreamcast deutschland (11 may '000)
jumpyspider.com has become so popular now that we have recieved
threats from german dreamcast site dreamcast deutschland who want to
take our site and claim it as their own... click here
to read their veiled (and not so veiled) threats
E3 spectacular! (11 may '000)
Sega have been showing off all manner of goodies at E3. New pictures emerged
of Sonic Adventure 2, Jet Grind Radio, Ecco The Dolphin and loads more.|
The first running playable of Sonic Shuffle was on display, showing that you
can indeed play as Sonics pink headed friend Knuckles.
Let's hope the controls aren't too arkward or pulling off his special
move, the five knuckle shuffle could lead to no end of strained wrists.
Sega were showing off some more games behind closed doors but we managed
to take a sneak peek... check out the games on our
dreamcast previews page
you wont bleem this (11 may '000)
okay, enough with the bad puns... Bleem! for dreamcast was officially announced
at E3 today, although details of how it works seem a bit sketchy suggesting
its not as simple as just sticking a disc in and pressing start.|
the authors claim it will be finished in only a couple of weeks so keep your
fingers crossed and pray it's not just a big bag of maggots.
dreamcast for less than free (11 may '000)
Sega of America seem to be going a bit mad with their offers. Now, not only
do you get a $200 on your dreamcast for registering with seganet you can then
log on and register for another $50 rebate...|
so they're effectively giving you $50 to get a dreamcast...
you do still have to pay for the net connection but it's a bargain none the less..
if only Sega Europe would see the light and do the same.... fat chance
monomedia(10 may '000)
it's been quite quiet today, but the dreamcast monomedia (like multimedia but it's
only pictures) is now up and running, if a bit sparse... see here
you play psx? yes! (09 may '000)
No news is good news.... but this is better news!|
Rumour has it that the makers of Bleem (that thing for running PSX games on a PC) are
working on a new product entitled Bleemcast to let you play PSX games on your Dreamcast
Well, jumpyspider.com is always one step ahead so here's a complete list of all the products
the Bleem corporation are working on
- DreamBleem (DC games on PC)
- Bleem64 (N64 games on PC)
- DreamBleem64 (DC games on PC on N64)
- BleemBleem (PC games on PC)
- HalloBleem (makes games scary using flashing lights)
- HasBleem (runs old and crap games)
- MayBleem (makes games not work properly ... maybe)
- DayBleem (makes games lose the plot at important moments)
- ICantBleemItsNotButter (gives games a fesh, butterlike taste)
- CantSeeTheWoodForTheBleem (changes game dialogue to feature terrible puns)
- Mission X-Bleem (only runs action man: mission xtreme from Hasbro)
- BleemMeUpScotty (converts all games into klingon)
- ImBleemingOfAWhiteChristmas (adds jingle bells music to all games)
what do you get if you cross a fish and a man? (08 may '000)
"What do you get if you cross a fish and a man? You get Seaman -
a salty wise-guy with an ocean-full of attitude".. not my words but those
of sega america. if you don't believe me have a look
and if their website is up then a release date can't be far away. a space
channel 5 section has also been uploaded to their site just recently with
a nice music section so you can listen to all those future funk beats
dreamcast is the new amiga!(08 may '000)
it's official.. the dreamcast is the new amiga. well, it's not really official
but it is true. Too many expensive peripherals, endless software revisions
(expect to see dreamarena kickstart v1.3 in the near future) and that niggling
feeling that someone else's machine is about to blow yours out of the water.|
not that I'm slagging off the dreamcast, i've got one and i love it to bits,
but you've gotta admit it, i am right.
banner madness (08 may '000)
In order to make the site work
with netscape I've had to do some rearranging... hence the easyspace banners
on every page... so heed my warning, if you want cheap webspace then cheap
webspace is what you get...i've learnt that the cheap way
in the summertime (06 may '000)
with a spectacular sense of timing the weather has decided to switch into sunny
mode just as i planned to start getting jumpyspider.com into a sensible working
state... oh well, down to the pub it is then, see you in a few months
rainbox six news (05 may '000)
there are reports that the much delayed rainbow six dreamcast port has finally
shipped. although they could just mean that the code has been shipped to the developers
so they can start working on the port.|
because of the delays, work on the sequel rogue spear hasn't even started yet... bugger
still, i suppose every machine needs it's own daikatana (for those who don't know
daikatana is PC game which was meant to ship nearly two years ago and still
isn't out... rumours suggest that it has mastered, but you don't want to believe those)
upload (02 may '000)
got a few pages uploaded today on the http:life side of the site.|
i still have to get all the old dreamcast pages rejiggled into the new layout which could
take a week or two... anyway, the current working sections are
- vinyl justice - a list of all my vinyl. sorry, no lino
- dot jpeg - a few random images attempting to be art
- clip off - jokes about "unloading a full clip into mans head" will follow
site opening (01 may '000)
finally, a whole 9 months after my previous website collapsed under the weight of
a million broken links, the first jumpyspider.com page is uploaded.|
this time i have tried to keep the design a bit simpler and more compact.
quality over quantity... or perhaps just style over content