The Man Spider Diaries

Spiders log, spiderdate 5193.5: What a jolly hectic day that was. I was quite happily enjoying a nice relaxing game of croquet on the lawn with my good friend Peter Parker when I got an urgent call on the spider phone. The chief inspector was kind enough to inform me that my latest girlfriend has placed a restraining order upon me to prevent me going within fifty yards of her, a simple misunderstanding I'm sure...
Anyway I asked the inspector whereabouts she currently resides so that I may know to avoid it as regards the restraining order. He was happy to oblige and gave me her full address.... this was to be his first mistake of the day.

I was forced to cut short my game of croquet, consequently forfeiting my place at next weeks club meeting, in order to go and get matters straightened out. A trivial concern really, yet it still put me in a terribly bad frame of mind.
I arranged for a chaffeur to drive me to the address I'd been given and on arriving I rang the doorbell, after a brief pause and and a series of sounds not unlike a shotgun being loaded I was greeted in a civil manner. Although she did point out several times that I was breaking the restraining order she made no attempt to have me removed, which I took to be some sign of reconciliation on her part.
I tried to explain about the other day, that I had been practicing my secret super-hero stunts, I simply misjudged my landing and fell upon the washing line. She told me no matter how I fell there was no way the washing line could have been wedged that far up any orifice. Luckily the young boy was unable to speak english so she couldn't press charges.

I had a quiet evening by myself again, I'm sure she will forgive me soon. I tried several times to ring Peter to schedule another croquet session but I just got his answering machine again, I think his phone must be broken because he never recieves my messages.... Goodnight.

Contact me eletronically manspider@jumpyspider.com or for any legal matters contact my lawyer directly at spiderlawyer@jumpyspider.com, you may have to wait a few days for a response as he is currently snowed under with work.