Bruce Forsythe: No, Leonard, not Lynx as in the mens deodorant!

Leonard Nimoy: What, Lynx as in the Atari handheld? Surely that would..

Bruce Forsythe: No, Leonard, not Lynx as in the Atari handheld!

Leonard Nimoy: What, Link as in the character out of the Zelda games!

Bruce Forsythe: No, Leonard, not Link as in the character out of the Zelda games? Surely that...

Leonard Nimoy: What, links as in buttons you click on to visit other websites? s..

Bruce Forsythe: Finally! Well done Mr Nimoy, but you get nothing for guessings the patently obvious, not in this game!...Now, lets get ready to mumble!!... hethethehe... Miss Ford!

Bruce Forsythe: Hello and welcome to Leonard Loves Links, I'm your host Bruce Forsythe.
Boy does that Leonard know a lot about links, and I mean a lot! Take last week for example, he found a link to an old math paper which was thought to have been lost for over four years! Is this guy a genius or what!! Anyway, I don't know why I is pickin up a yankee accent bud id appears ta be geddin woise, so I'll toin ya's ova naw ta Leonard. Take it away bro!"

Leonard Nimoy: What links like when you talk rubbish to fill in the gaps between songs on the radio? Th..

Bruce Forsythe: Joist ged on wid it Leo!

Leonard Nimoy: Oh, okay... Hi, I'm Leonard Nimoy, you may remember me from such shows as..

Bruce Forsythe: Leo, I'm a warnin' ya!

Leonard Nimoy: mrrmmprh mrmrmm see you nice! Anyway, where was I... Oh yeah, links! If like me you love links you'll be pleased to note that JumpySpider.com now has a fresh new links page full of exciting links to some of the best* sites on the web. You'll also notice some adverts for featured sites in between some of these articles, this is just a ploy to try and get other sites to link back to ours, I'm not convinced that our hit counter isn't just a picture you know.
You can also get to the links page by clicking on the into the web text in the menu bar...You've been a lovely audience. NNNiccee!

Scientists have already pioneered this grafting technology by joining together Leonard Nimoy and Bruce Forsythe, when questioned after the operation Bruce said
"You get nothing for having Leonard Nimoy sticking out your arse, not in this game"
while Leonard went for the cheapest gag know to mankind saying
"I have boldly gone where no man has gone before, to Uranus and beyond"

The Mecha-Bush-Gore-King-Queen-Machine will share the duties of being head of America, Gore will take charge of light-entertainment and bible bashing while Bush will take gun smuggling, goverment coverups and bombing the crap out of other countries.

Steven Spielberg is set to make a film about the events stating
"The film will be made to appeal to adults and children alike. It will be a groundbreaking film about Bush and Gore, with plenty of bush and even more gore."

For anyone who doesn't know, Bruce Forsythe presents a number of light-entertainment shows on British television, and is a horse**

So I've played the game a bit and got what I think are some pretty good lap times, so I go online to post my times on the world rankings page, only all I get is a big message saying "Coming Soon".. So I try the competition page "Coming Soon", the chat rooms "Coming Soon", all the other options "Coming Soon"... bugger

In their rush to get the game out it seems they've neglected to get the online side of things working, or maybe they just don't care. Either way it's a pain in the arse to wait over a year for a game and then discover it still isn't finished...

'Given that MSR has finally arrived a year late, hotly anticipated by game-starved Dreamcast owners, this is just an insult. And the overall game structure is flawed too. It doesn't offer the instant, designer arcade thrills of, say, Ridge Racer V on the PlayStation 2, yet the pointless punishing of minor collisions prevents it from being a really nail-biting hardcore revver like Gran Turismo.'

"Some of the people working on Metropolis were monkeys.. literally, that's why it took so long to hit the shelves. Many people were unhappy on the team, there was a lot of rivalry between the monkey coders and the hores, who were mainly working on building the tracks."

Henry was less critical but admitted the project had it's fair share of problems..

"There were many external factors that caused the delays on MSR, city planners were continually knocking down condemned and erecting new ones which caused us endless problems build the levels ,it was just on hurdle after another!
"While this was going on the coders were continually adding stuff, it wasn't so much a case of feature creep as full on feature charge! People adding things without consulting each other and the game become prone to random crashes and lock-ups.. in the end it was rushed through testing and as a result the finished version is bugged to shit.."

These opinions are not necessarily the opinions of Bizarre Creations. Both Henry and his friend have now moved on to pastures new....

• When praticing for a race the conditions don't match the actual race, for example in chapter three there is a hotlap race where it is raining heavily, but in practice there is bright sunshine, making the pratice next to useless. Also in timed races where you must avoid slower cars there are no cars in practice so it's impossible to guess what time you are going to get (which is essential if you want to gain a good Kudos rating)
• When music volume is zero and you press button to start race you hear a second or so of music, not a big problem but it detracts from the general level of polish
• Computer control cars will quite happily slam into you and lose you points even when you clearly have the racing line
• There doesn't seem to be an in-car view with the bonnet on, why?
• When auto-saving finishes the screen sometimes flicks up something in the middle of the screen for a fraction of a second, I can't see what it is (whether it might be a message) but it's very irritating.
• The headlights are rubbish, they only seem to brighten up light areas, dark areas stay just as dark as they were before
• When racing at sunset the track gets slowly darker over time, however no lights come on and some buildings stay bright as if the sun was still up
• When the rear-view mirror is turned on the game suffers from some nasty slow-down which makes it very unpleasant to play.
• Occassionally during races parts of the track or scenery are randomly coloured yellow or blue
• In the winner stays mode in multiplayer it seemed to be random who played next, sometimes both racers would race again in the next round, there might some strange rules we don't understand but it seemed broken
• When selecting Quick race in the multiplayer menu it goes to the statistics of the last race instead of racing, when you select Race Again the same thing happens
• When playing one of the London races the game hung, the screen went black apart from the on-screen readouts and the speedometer read a large negative number

I seem to remember Commodore doing a similar thing back in the days of the Sega Ages ad campaign when they put up a billboard poster opposite the Sega Europe headquarters with the slogan "To be this good will take Sega ages"... and just look where Commodore and their revolutionary CD32 console are now... doesn't bode well for Sega's future really does it.

• Sega take a percentage of the profit made from calls to their internet service. Too keep people online for longer they deliberately limited the speed of the modem.
• Sega's internet service machines would be unable to cope with the ammount of data required to keep everyone surfing at 56k so they limited the speed to save bandwith.
• The modem included in European Dreamcasts is only a software modem which means the main processor has to do all the translating from bits to audio (and back again) at the same time as running games, so running the modem at a higher rate could actually make online games run slower.
• The manual for the modem is written in badly translated Japanese and Sega Europe couldn't figure out how to set the modem to 56k mode.
• One of guys at Sega was such a l33t hax0r (elite hacker) that he read, "Eek that's fast" as "33k, that's fast" and decided to set the modem to 33k mode
• There are some pictures of one of the Sega technical staffs mum on the internet. He made the modem slower so it takes longer to download porn, therefore there's less chance of anyone finding the pictures!
• Sega Japan hate all Europeans and are currently plotting to invade Europe and turn it into an amusement park for Japanese tourists.
• Sega had already printed 33k on the Dreamcast boxes and they hadn't got enough money to make any new ones.
• Running the modem at any higher speed than 33k will increase the warp core emissions and could cause a temporal rift which could destroy the universe unless a sufficiently powerful tachyon pulse could be emitted at just the right frequency to destroy the rift.